New Agent B Mix: Baleh Baleh A-ha Chutney Kuriye..

..with mango, coconut and a touch of sauerkraut.
The "flying bhangra house" has gone tripping through the tropical spaces today..
Presenting the new mix, including the best track ever, Bhangra Party (at 00:30:43)
A sample of the wonderful lyrics below:

I went to a bhangra party
and I see da people dancin' (dancin')
Hand in di air, foot in di air
and everybody singin' (singin')
All is singin':
Baleh Baleh A-ha Chutney Kuriye
Baleh Baleh A-ha Chutney Kuriye
Baleh Baleh A-ha Chutney Kuriye
Sohniye
A-ha Sohniye
Eh-eh Sohniye
A-ha Sohniye Ah!

So I've spend the whole day in my pj's (for a reason obviously, as you will soon find out).
Was just going to put together a little motivator noise for my music box upstairs to get off my ass and pick up the vacuum cleaner..
Nah. This monster took over my Sunday!
Now if your house is dirty too, you might want to put this..
Chutney Pressure House Bad Boy Immigrant Punk Slavic Soul* Mix
on and off you go flying round your living quarters on a cleaning mission with that extra pelvic thrusting motion pushing your hoover around.
Once you're finished with your house, pop around to sort here this mess too, won't you?
'cause I can't be arsed no more... - time for my traditional date with Jerry Sailor...Ahoy-hoy!

PS If you do get through the initial serving of the "m-a-a-a-ximum beautiful" Balkan flutes
you will survive right through to the worst tune ever...
"all I neeeeeeeeeeeeeed is youuuuuuu whinin' on meee, whinin on meeeeeee"
aka the "skinning-a-cat-alive-in-Trinidad-sound" (at 01:04:05)

*Hence the recorders & violins..

Loose Ramblings..

..about love, passing time and things loosely related...
So I've read a short story* on the "throne" this morning which left me pondering about time and love and time in love drunkenness and the consequences: the times of the inevitable hangover of "the morning after".. Would I write about this!? What a waste of time!
"Lovers who love truly do not write down their happiness."**
Is that so?
Now this was a little dig (no apologies) related to the "related", however I will not even attempt to tackle the subject of verbalising love and (un)happiness here today because..
"..love does not conjugate -- O Lord, in that sense yes, that's all we need! But love has its grammar, even though it doesn't recognise tenses but only moods [!], and only of those, actually: the present in-fin-it-ive. When you love it's forever and the rest doesn't matter. Any old love, no matter what kind. Because it's not true that you get over it -- you don't get over anything, which is a bit of a drawback most times; rather, you bring it along with you..."
Yes, you do. You bring it along with you. Some call it emotional baggage.
It is rather a deposit though, in one's personal bank of experiences.
It is valuable, if only as an afterthought on the crapper.
No tenses but only moods?
I like that very much.
I promise to love and cherish you.. till death..???..blah blah...nah -When I'm in the mood!
And here's a song, my devoted monogamist Gran's fav..

And a somewhat folked-up, brassed-up update..

This happens to be my morning alarm tune..takes the edge off of getting out of bed..

*Claudio Magris, 'To have been'
**Anatole France

Break 4 Lurve - Valentine's Day Workout!

More details: agentbhangra.com

Love Me Babe Love Me..

So the V Day is upon us yet again!
Whether you love it or hate it, it is impossible to ignore it - hence this post!
To show my love... for all things Bollywood I have decided to celebrate St Valentine's Day by....changing my ringtone to something more lovely for a day..
Enjoy!
Love Me Baby Love Me, Horn OK Pleassss - Ringtone

Bring da Kaala Bandar!

When you love a song this much you definitely want your phone to sing it to you, right?
I bring you the....*drum roll*..
Kaala Bandar ringtone - click here!

What happens when we wake up?

The Year of the Rat is officially over, yet I still have strange "ratty dreams" at night...
To fully step into the Year of the Ox I ask myself, in the words of Sanjaya Malakar..
"What happens when we wake up?"
Well, sometimes we happen to come across some profound lyrics..

Sanjaya Malakar - Quintessential Lullaby, the lyrics..

You see the odd manipulation
Of material manifestation
We start to feel the creation
Of a stifled population
So we reach inside each other
To find that thing we must uncover
Finding a way not to smother
The flame that makes us who we are

What happens when we wake up?
When we open up our eyes?
What happens when we wake up?
We’ll uncover your disguise.

From all across the nation we need to
Intend to speculation
We must distribute our frustration
To an unsuspecting nation
And then we realize our delusions
Become by the way of our confusions
We gain collective understanding
And we let ..

What happens when we wake up?
When we open up our eyes?
What happens when we wake up?
We’ll uncover your disguise.

You perpetrate annihilation
And perpetuate segregation
Your distinct becomes contagious
As we isolate our minds
You try inflecting your deception
And belittle our perception
We’ll asses this situation
Before we let it get too far

What happens when we wake up?
When we open up our eyes?
What happens when we wake up?
We’ll uncover your disguise.

Dancing with Kebabs

Tired of screwing..the lightbulbs?
Not quite yet alas...
Just for a day, and it would happen to be Feb 14th, I'd rather be handling a heavy fat wooden club and be surrounded by lots of men, fit men, preferably Persian warriors with rhythm feet and sensational dress sense..*
I have been looking around and found some strange, traditional, eccentric and rather outrageous ways of keeping fit - anything goes on this planet!
This is Zurkhaneh **, a Persian, men only gymnasium, where athletes practise ancient team sports to the sound of a traditional drum.

Try this for seduction techniques..

Alternatively why not do some dancing with kebabs..

Okay. Done!
Who needs to go to Iran?
I can make Zurkhaneh for you "at home".
Would everyone, please, bring 2 massive doners each to the class on Monday.
We will swing the kebabs and see if it cuts the fat.

* The ramblings above are obviously inspired by "Rageh Inside Iran".
** Persian: Power House

I'm back, you f*****s and better than ever!

"I'm bigger, I'm better, I'm stronger, you f*****s."
£125 million in gold bullion to the first one to identify the title quote!
Obviously you'd have to be willing to dive in the English Channel in this weather to collect the prize.
Since I didn't get to "screw the lightbulb" today due to adverse weather conditions in our lovely city , I will be back "bigger, better, stronger, you f....." on Wednesday!
In the meantime enjoy a workout with the better man:

One Monkey in the Snow - found!

Okay! I give up. This is what you want, don't you?
Hey Kaala Bandar, Delhi 6 - the full lyrics.
Check the song preview in the Agent B mix here or listen to the full song here.

Hey Kaala Kaala Kaala Bandar
Bahar hai ya andar
Hey Kaala Kaala Kaala Bandar
Jo dhundhe sikandar

It wasn't me I swear
Everybody's looking for da monkey out there
Hey Kaala Kaala Kaala Bandar
Bahar hai ya andar
Hey Kaala Kaala Kaala Bandar
Jo dhundhe sikandar

It wasn't me I swear
Everybody's looking for da monkey out there
Bring da Kaala bandar
Bring da Kaala bandar
Everybody's looking for da monkey out there

Aao Hum shisha dekhe
Usme sandesha dekhe
Apna Ghayal Hissa dekhe
Apna asli kissa dekhe
Ghonghat ki gehrai mein
Par Phailai kaun
Jhak Safed Libason mein
Kaala sa sach maun hai

Choose le Choose Le choose Le choose Le
Life ki bhaag le
Choose le Choose Le choose Le choose Le
Life ki bhaag le
Thak jhank thak jhank thak jhank
Dil mein bhi jhank le

It wasn't me I swear
Everybody's looking for da monkey out there
Bring da Kaala Bandar
Bring da Kaala Bandar
Everybody's looking for da monkey out there

Kasmein to mumfhali
Jab jee chahe hum khaten
Upper se na na kartein
Par thali aage sarkaten
Ek thali ke chatee bateein
Armaan hai hatte katte
Natak yeh natak natak
Band kar do jhooth ka fatak

Choose le Choose Le choose Le choose Le
Life ki bhaag le
Choose le Choose Le choose Le choose Le
Life ki bhaag le
Taak jhank Taak jhank Taak jhank
Dil mein bhi jhank le

I heard his 2 feet 2 and bites off your knees
I heard he's got metal teeth and wears superman briefs
That makes sense I saw him flying last week but he was invisible
So I saw it moving in the trees
I heard he’s an experiment gone wrong
A monkey alien that must’ve been left in the sun too long
I heard he’s a Cyborg (no way)
Made from parts of a toaster and a nuclear bomb
But who's actually seen him, nobody
This thing seems a little dodgy

Saare rit rivaz hata kar
Dekho apne ghar ke anadar
Shyad kahin kisi kone par
Ghoom raha hai Kala bandar

In galion main rang hain kitne
kitne partein kitne pardey
kitne partein kitne pardey
kitne partein kitne pardey

Aur pardon ke peechhe pardey
aur pardon ke par kahin par
dard chhupaa hai
ghav chhupey hain
dard chhupaa hai
ghav chhupey hain
raaz kayee dabe paaon ghuse hai
jaanke bhi anjaan hai hum sab
paagal ya nadaan hai hum sab
paagal ya nadaan hai hum sab
jaane kaun se rang mein range
hamaam mein hum saare nange
saare nange saare nange
nange nange nange nange nange

Hey Kaala Kaala Kaala Bandar
bahar hai ya andar
Hey Kaala Kaala Kaala Bandar
lo dhoondhe sikander

Alright, but I like the Bandar
Since he came a lot of things changed
Many things have been arranged
There’s way more police in the street
So I feel safe at night when I go to sleep
Now we always got electricity
So I never miss my favourite show on TV
I’m happy with the Bandar as long he don’t get me
He can stay even longer, it don’t bother me
Bandar Kaala Bandar, don’t go away
Bandar Kaala Bandar, I beg you to stay

Choose le Choose Le choose Le choose Le
Life ki bhaag le
Choose le Choose Le choose Le choose Le
Life ki bhaag le
Taak jhank Taak jhank Taak jhank
Dil mein bhi jhank le

There you go! Happy now?
I might even upload a ringtone to match later..
Now I'm off to brave the whole 10 cm of London snow to collect the ingredients for my own homemade yuanyang (Hong Kong style coffee-tea).
Might have to add a shot of Sailor Jerry spiced to stay warm today!

By the way...who is the "black monkey"?

Let it snow, let it snow..

Just a day after the official Chinese New Year celebrations, London has experienced a second "Christmas", a white Christmas too! What are the odds here, a bookie might ask.
We are currently waiting for some more of the white stuff..
Be ye also ready: for in an hour that ye think not the SNOW cometh.
Bolly in da snow, anyone?